1 year.

Some people think anniversaries in ED recovery are silly. I like them
because I can look back and see how far I have come. With that said...

Today marks 1 year since I left Remuda Ranch and entered recovery.
I could write pages and pages about reaching 1 year in recovery.
There are so many feelings, thoughts, and revelations. But I want to
keep it short and simple. This year has truly been the best year of my
life, as well as the most challenging. Reaching such a huge milestone
for me is overwhelming. I am overcome with emotions of pride and
relief for being in such a positive and healthy place in my life. For
reaching a point in my life where I feel deserving of recovery. A year
and a half ago I did not think I would ever feel happy or hopeful
again. It's amazing that I have come this far and I really am proud of
myself. But I also feel like I am mourning who I have been for the
past 9 years of my life. I am mourning my eating disorder identity.
It's been tough. I still find myself holding on to it, to the belief I
have that my ED is my worth. But it's significant that I choose to
move forward and fight my ED. I spent 9 years of my life living in
eating disorder hell, but now I can say with certainty that I will
never go back to my ED.