Well, first of all...Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! I hope everyone had a good time and that it wasn't too stressful or overwhelming.
According to me, my Christmas didn't really go all that well. Yes, I got some really nice presents from friends and family, and even had the first white Christmas here in 17 years, so that is pretty special. But over the past two days I have been in a state of depression. I sat on my parent's couch sobbing yesterday. I felt so alone. Both my sisters have serious boyfriends who bought them lots of nice gifts and spent lots of time with them. And I am all alone. I really felt it. And it hurt. It didn't feel like a happy Christmas. I felt very sad actually. Everything in my life is going pretty well...things are on an upswing right now. But I'm alone. Okay yes, I have my family, and my good few close friends, but I want that comfort of a boyfriend. I see my sisters experiencing it and it makes me want it so bad.
I can hear my mom saying to me, "Oh but Holly you are only 22! You are so young and you will find someone!" And I know that's what everyone else would say to me too. But I want it now. Is that wrong?
I want someone to share my joy and progress and laughter and humor with. I want someone to hold on to. I want them to be there for me and me be there for them. it just aches.
Sadly, my best memory from this Christmas was getting pretty drunk at our family party and not feeling much and just being slap happy.
On the bright side, I did get a gift to the online course for Soul Restoration for Brave Girls Camp from my dear friend Jamie. I am so looking forward to this. If you don't know what Brave Girls Camp is, you need to check it out.
Well that's all I have for now.
im sorry you're feeling so alone :( i know exactly how it is, my twin sister has had a serious boyfriend for 3 years, and so has my older brother. its tough to be around but i just have to believe that my time will come...or some bullshit like that. also im sorry you had to numb your pain with alcohol but i definitely can relate. i think things have been ok for me because im just completely emotionally numb and indifferent. the only reason this doesnt seem to suck is because i just dont care. i realllllly wish i could be there for you emotionally, but im just not emotionally here at all. im really sorry holly :( please stick in there and hopefully things will turn around soon.
ReplyDeletei love you <3