Today has been such a busy and exhausting day. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist at 11am, then saw my therapist at 12pm, then had a follow up appointment with my regular doctor at 2:15. The appt. with my psychiatrist went well. He is wanting to cut back my meds, which sort of scares me, but I am going to go with it. He thinks I'm over medicated. And I don't think he is wrong about that. He is going to start by cutting my night time Klonopin in half, and then we will see how that works. I have been having a lot of really weird disconnected feelings and memory loss and over all fatigue, and it's all related to my medication. So, I will start that tonight and see how it goes.
Then I went to my therapist. I brought with me my body tracing from RLP. It still is weird to look at. I still can't believe it is my body. But maybe I just need to ACCEPT it. I love how I wrote so many positive messages on my body tracing, and I just need to remember that. My therapist thought the tracing and what I did with it was awesome. She was so excited! It made me laugh, haha. Then we talked more about boundaries. I am still learning how to set them and keep them. She gave me a bunch of things to read about it, and I am hopeful my boundary setting will get better. This conversation led into my trauma. We decided to start EMDR next week. I am anxious about it, since I really don't know much about it. But I want to give it a try. It can't hurt. And I trust my therapist.
So, then I went to a follow up with my primary care doctor. Last week I went for an aftercare appointment and my blood work was messed up. I also have been having a lot of stomach pain and nausea. So my doctor called me yesterday and told me to come in today. My doctor told me that it could either be an ulcer, gastritis, or appendicitis. Great. So he repeated blood work and I get the results Monday probably. If everything went back to normal, then it was probably some weird infection thing that went away by itself. If my white blood cell count is still elevated or worse, then my doctor wants me to get a CT scan of my stomach. So right now it's just a waiting game. The bad part of this appointment was seeing my weight. I am still having trouble accepting my ideal weight.
Other than that, today actually went well. I had a good breakfast, probably the best breakfast since leaving Remuda. It wasn't really hard and I was really proud of myself. In between appointments I went to Target (one of my favorite places!) and I bought a new bikini top, a cute top, and a pajama shirt. Now I'm at my parent's house for dinner. I am SO excited tomorrow is Saturday and I can sleep in and catch up on writing letters and working on my scrapbook.
That's all for today. It has been a long one. I'm ready for a nap now, or even to take my night time meds, and it's not even 5pm!
Sounds like a hectic day with the treatment team, although quite productive. Even though your blood results weren't so great and you may have some issues, the good news is that the possible outcomes are all curable. Glass half full. :) It's funny how the saying "glass half full" is supposed to be on the positive outlook, but if that glass were half full of Ensure, it may be received differently. Haha!
ReplyDeleteWhat is EMDR? Are you worried or have you done it before?
It's so good to know that you ate a successful breakfast and are about to eat dinner!!! That's much better than 6 snacks. I'm really proud of you for working so hard towards a healthier you.
I bought a Body Image workbook that was recommended by a therapist at the Ranch. It's by Thomas Cash. Check it out and see what you think. I ordered my online. I've only completed one section, but it seems helpful.
Looking forward to your next blog. Love you and praying for you.