My dietitian emailed me tonight and told me that the weight I am at now is what my weight is supposed to be.
No way. Not happening. I refuse to weigh this much. I will kick and scream my way back to a weight I feel is right for me. You may say that I am compromising my recovery by doing this. I really don't think that's the case.
I don't know if I can trust my dietitian right now and that scares me. I have always trusted her. But I don't know what's right anymore. I am not supposed to weigh this much...I don't care what anyone says. I know my body.
It's just not fair. I fucking hate ED.
I know what to do to lose weight. I know that purging two times or more a day and eating under xxx calories will make me drop all this weight I have put on. That's how I lost weight last year. I don't want to resort to that. I would just be miserable and disappoint every one.
I'm going to go cry now.
This is seriously hard situation to be in. I honestly dont know what I would do. It's hard to trust a dietitian in this particular situation. I think that is normal.
ReplyDeleteI think you handling it very well. I hope things get better for you and you are able to find out why you are gaining weight, and I hope you can find the trust you once had in your dietician once again.
It will compromise your recovery, I've been in this situation a million times and everytime I try to lose weight "safely" I always relapse. I promise your weight will redistribute if you give it a chance. And its amazing how much clearer you can think when you are at your 100% IBW. I was like you, I never believed it but pleeeassseee trust me and give yourself a chance at this weight. You already know how to lose it, so maybe give this a try.
ReplyDeleteI know its easier said then done, but try to focus on you. Your body. Its strengths. Not a number on a scale. I dont(and havent in ages) weighed myself for these reasons. Its just a stupid number that no matter how high or low will never make us happy.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, how I so can relate to these feelings. Don't lose all of the hard work you've put into recovery though girl, it's not worth it. Your ED is the one telling you shouldn't weigh that much, it's all lies. I can totally relate though, I know how hard it is to trust your team and not listen to what You feel like is the right thing to do. I wish I could offer more advice, just know that the number on the scale is JUST a number. It doesn't define you and it never will.
ReplyDeletexx