but you keep on moving anyway...

SO, I have some pretty interesting news to share. Well, you know how my body image has been absolutely horrible lately? I kept thinking I was gaining weight because my clothes were tighter (No I'm not pregnant if that's what you are thinking), and I could just tell something was off with my body. Anyway, I had to go to the doctor the other day because of ongoing GERD problems. I chose to look at my weight and I was RIGHT. I have gained weight. When I left treatment, the dietitians and doctors gave me a 10lb weight range that I needed to stay in. Well, let's just say I am OVER that weight range. Needless to say, I freaked out when I saw my weight. I have not weighed this much ever. I saw my dietitian today for the first time in 3 weeks and I looked at my weight when she weighed me and I had gone up another pound and a half. My dietitian says it's totally normal when you are in recovery from an eating disorder to gain more weight than you are supposed to. So I didn't feel TOO terrible. I trust my dietitian 100% and believed her when she said we are going to fix this and she will get me back in my weight range. My assignment for the week is to count how many times I chew my food to see if maybe I am eating too fast. I tried it with dinner tonight and it is super annoying. But I definitely ate slower than normal...I think. So I go back to see my dietitian next week and I will see then if my weight has gone down. Now, I would be lying if I said this situation doesn't trigger me to resort to ED behaviors. Honestly the first think I thought of when I saw my weight a couple days ago was finding a place to go and b/p. But I didn't. I think my inner strength is showing, and I am somehow fighting through this. It really helps that I trust my dietitian and know that she has my best interest in her mind and heart. I definitely had my fears that once I put the weight back on, that I would keep gaining and would gain too much. And since that actually happened, I am kind of nervous around food right now. I don't think I have been eating any more than usual. But anyway, I remain hopeful that this will normalize and this will just be a speed bump in my recovery.