I have made some pretty significant decisions lately. I have decided to cut back therapy to every two weeks. I really feel I do not need it every week at this point. That's not to say that if things get tough and I start to struggle that I won't go back to a once a week. I just feel I can get through a week without therapy right now. That's pretty huge for me to make this decision on my own. A part of me is terrified of a life without therapy. I mean, hello, I have been in therapy the past 10 years of my life. But I think that I also need to discover who I am outside of therapy and all of my issues. At this point I am only seeing my dietitian every week and a half/two weeks, I am pretty sure that is going to stay like that too.
My dietitian told me on Wednesday night that my weight has stayed the same the whole month of November. That's pretty exciting considering I have continued to gain weight since coming home from Remuda in March. I guess this is where my weight needs to be. It's kind of discouraging to hear that. I had hoped that maybe my weight was just trying to figure itself out and I would go back down to the weight Remuda gave me. But if I were to go back down to that weight then I would have to lose 10-15 pounds, and I just know that wouldn't be healthy.
My thearpist and I worked on a guided imagery exercise in my body image workbook yesterday. I had to describe what it feels like and looks like to feel imprisoned in my own body. What I get out of it and what I feel are the risks if I wasn't trapped in my body. It was a pretty cool exercise. My therapist thought I did a pretty awesome job too.
I am trying to brainstorm ideas of some sort of ritual I can take part in next week when my therapist and I visit the school where my trauma took place. I don't know if I should write a letter and leave it there or leave something else there, or take something from there, like a leaf or a twig or something. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!
Anyway, not much else is going on. I have been having problems sleeping lately. I just toss and turn all night and I don't wake up feeling rested. I see my psychiatrist next week and will talk to him about that.
Oh yeah I started a Tumblr so you should check it out! http://hollyw26.tumblr.com/
Good for you for making a decision so big. Help is great but to take a step out on our own is sometimes what is needed, though it's never wrong to ask for help when we need it. So great that your weight is leveling out :) Congrats on this girl!!
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing! Keep it up! :) So glad to hear that you are doing well.
ReplyDeleteI think a letter would be a great way to release those feelings/emotions and continue healing. I am also so proud of you for taking this step in recovery by making your appointments more spread out. BUT always remember that it's still okay to ask for extra help if you feel you need it. I remember when I started doing this same thing with my treatment team... it was a little hard at first, but once I say myself being able to cope and "handle" everything without needing that intensive treatment - I started to gain even more confidence in MYSELF and believed in myself more, and thought "I really CAN do this!" There were times when I did need extra support, but then resumed the more spread out appointments when I felt ready again.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the amazing progress and remember to be gentle with yourself. You deserve it ; )