Almost time for 2012

Well, I think I have a lot to catch up on.

Yesterday my friend Erin came to visit. It was SO good to see her! When she got here we went shopping at the big mall and then went out to dinner at Brio with my dad, sister, and my sister's boyfriend. Dinner was really yummy! It was worth the 45 minutes we had to wait. I was sitting on a couch and this really strange woman was practically sitting on top of me and constantly fidgeting. It was REALLY annoying.
Anyway, after dinner we came back to my house and watched Bridesmaids. Oh my goodness, if you have not watched this, please go see it right now. I literally peed in my pants I was laughing so hard. It was hilarious! Erin and I stayed up for a couple more hours watching The Simple Life with Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton. I hadn't watched it in forever and I forgot how funny that show was.
We got up at 11 this morning, because I had a psychiatrist appointment I had to go to, and I really didn't want to drag her to that. So she drove back home to Maryland. I'm sad our visit was so short, but I know we will see each other again soon!

My psychiatrist appointment was...interesting. I was sitting in the waiting room and I just felt this very profound sense of sadness. I really wasn't sure where it was coming from or why it came on so suddenly. When my psychiatrist called me back he could tell right away that something was going on. I just updated him on all the family drama and money problems, and then I admitted to him that lately, meaning the past 3-4 weeks, I have missed my eating disorder. I have found myself fantasizing about it almost every day. And I have not been doing that great with breakfast. And then I talked about how this cold weather is reminding me of the physical and emotional state I was in a year ago. Full blown relapse, severely depressed, suicidal, cutting all over myself, no sleep, no sense of happiness or safety, an unhealthy relationship, medical issues, etc. I feel like I'm reliving all of that again. Except, I'm really not. But I think last year was really traumatizing and I am terrified when I think about that. I'm not really sure what to do with these feelings, except feel them. Which is really hard right now. So, anyway I was telling my psychiatrist this and I felt the tears. And it was crazy because I've never cried in front of him before, not in my 6 years of seeing him. And I was like, "Oh shit" and he knew I was crying. It was just...interesting, but good I guess.

Anyway, so tomorrow I see my therapist. I can't wait to give her the CD I made her. I hope she likes it. And then I am supposed to have lunch with my second mom, although she hasn't texted me back to confirm it. And then I am meeting up with my friend Karen after that. It should be a good day.

Anyway, that's all for now.