Depression

Depression.

Heavy. Dark. Paralyzing.

I never thought I would deal with this kind of depression again. In all fairness, I am no where near as depressed as I was this time last year -- suicidal, no hope, no will to live.
But I feel my depression always has the potential to reach such an extreme. I'm scared I could be headed there. I do not want to die. I do not want to self-harm.
I want my thirst for life back. I want my energy and up-beat, positive attitude to come back. Winter is so tough for me. It has been for as long as I can remember. I have faith that if I make it through this month and next, I will be able to see the light again. I will get my energy back.
Right now I just feel so awful. I think therapy stirred up a lot of feelings today.