Continued Struggles

Things are still pretty difficult for me right now. I know in my last blog I wrote about how I felt like I was needing something more than I have been getting, but I wasn't sure what that was. So, I decided to reach out first to my Remuda sisters, and ask for their support and advice. I am so, so glad I did that. No one understands better than them, who know my life story, and know what it's like to struggle with an eating disorder. So it was really awesome to hear back from them and know I am not alone.
I also emailed my therapist and dietitian. I basically wrote them what I wrote in my last blog. They both sent back really supportive responses. My therapist thinks it would be a good idea for me to start coming back in once a week, as supposed to every two weeks. I felt relieved when I wrote this. I had kind of hoped she would say this. But I was also scared she wouldn't think I needed it. And while I am somewhat embarrassed that I have to increase my sessions again, I really think that this is what I need. I really want to be able to figure out what has caused this increased struggle.
My dietitian suggested I come and see her more often. But I don't think I can afford that. She also suggested I write her daily emails containing my food intake/behaviors/thoughts. I decided to go with this option. Hopefully this will provide some much needed accountability.
So I am feeling more hopeful now that this increased support will get me back on track.

Eating has been difficult. I feel pretty significant anxiety surrounding meals. It's very frustrating. It reminds me of eating meals when I was in treatment. Eating was a chore, an assignment. After treatment, I fell back in love with my favorite foods and enjoyed eating. Up until a couple months ago, I almost felt like I was a "normal eater". I'm not going to lie, when my dietitian suggested I email her my daily food intake, part of me wanted to not respond, and just drop it. I have so much anxiety and shame about sharing with other people what I eat. But, I decided to go with my best judgement and start being accountable with my dietitian.

Sleeping has been difficult lately. I know that it probably had to do with the fact that I'm not getting enough nutrition, and the fact that I'm stressing out about various things. Hopefully I will sleep better this week.

Not much else going on.
Hopefully things will turn around soon.