Keeps Getting Better

Well, I know I don't write on here very often. Honestly, my mind is so pre-occupied with working on moving forwards and bettering my life and my recovery, that this website sometimes tends to distract me from that. And so I tend to avoid Blogspot. But, I want to keep updating this blog as much as I can.

Things are looking up. I had a very rough Winter. I was scared I wouldn't be able to come out of the depression, and that I was relapsing. But, winter has finally lifted and I feel like I'm moving forwards again, and I'm not stuck anymore. Although, I still worry about going back to it.
Eating is going really, really well. I still have some fear and guilt surrounding food, but 9 times out of 10 I will eat what I am hungry for and not feel bad about it. I have not purged in 1 year and 1 month. But I do think about it, I do still get urges. The trick is learning to push through the urges and remind myself why I don't want to purge and how it will only make me feel 10x worse.

I struggle a lot with body image, especially now that the weather is warmer. I can't even think about wearing shorts right now. I probably don't even have any that fit anymore. My summer clothes from last summer are now too small. I had to buy new clothes when I came from treatment last year, and over the summer my body continued to gain weight. So now I need to buy even bigger clothes. It's really discouraging. I have the hardest time accepting my stomach. I just...can't even.

My oldest dog, Lucy, died last Friday. We had to put her down. She had throat cancer and couldn't eat, so she was starving to death. I cried about it for the first time last night. Sobbing my fucking eyes out. I really can't write much more about it. It's too difficult.

Really not much else going on.

Things are going pretty well.
1 year anniversary in recovery is next Saturday, the 31st. Can't believe it's been a year.