now, tell me why

Because we'll be together.

Inception

This movie changed me. I can't really explain how. But I felt like a different person after I saw this movie for the first time, second time, and third time.

"Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange." - Cobb

"Do you know what it is to be a lover? Half of a whole?" - Mal

"What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere" - Cobb

thank you and update.

First of all, thank you to everyone who offered me support on my last post. It really means a lot to me, it means the world actually. I do not have any real friends here in Richmond, but to know that you guys are there for me...feels good.

I'm depressed. All I want to do is sleep. I have zero energy. I wake up crying. I cry at night. I sometimes cry in the middle of the day. This whole, only going to therapy every other week, is really throwing me. I wish I was stronger than this, could deal with this better and not be so FREAKED OUT. I'm not even sure why I am so upset about all of this. But I think I have an idea. Last week I had committed myself to fully working on my problems, especially my trauma. And while excited is not exactly the right word to explain how I felt about working on everything, I was looking forward to...working on things, and feeling better. And I know I can still work on things by going every other week, but it's not the way I wanted to. Does that make sense? I feel defeated. I don't want to be such a negative person and be all depressed and sad and everything. But I feel scared.

Eating is not going well at all. It's either, I don't want to eat, I'm not hungry, I can't eat, or I don't know how to eat. I know that last one might sound strange, but sometimes I really forget how to eat. I know this whole not eating thing is a result of...well of a few things. The recent change in therapy, stress at work, stress with money, abuse memories, etc. If I don't make some changes with this eating...like eating 3 times a day like my therapist told me...then this could get really bad. It's been almost a year since I had a full blown relapse and was at my lowest weight ever, which caused me to lose my job at the time. I don't want that. But gosh, the ED really is a friend sometimes. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for saying that. And yes, I know...it really is an enemy.

Ultimate frisbee semi's are tomorrow. So pumped! I'm the most competitive person, and if we don't win and make it to finals...I will not be a happy girl.

We had a hell of a storm here the other night. Knocked out a ton of power lines. We have our power back, but now our AC doesn't work. That's really...annoying.

I saw the movie Inception last weekend. I loved it so much that I am going to see it again today...by myself. My parents complained that I should be saving my money. But I really want to do something that makes me happy and feel good. I feel like I need it right now. I feel guilty for going against what my parents want but...I'm 22 years old...I can make my decisions, correct?

Anyway...that's my venting for the day.