I need to remember that...
but yet, 2 months just went down the drain...literally. I forgot how fast my heart pounds when I purge, it scared me.
Damnit, why can't I get my shit together? What is so wrong with me that this has become my life, my identity? I am so mad at myself and whatever is causing my life to be this way. I am not the type to give up, but tonight I did. And it hurts to think of all the people I have just disappointed. What is causing me to hold back from living a healthy life? Fuck...would I have still turned out this way if I hadn't been abused, if I hadn't lost gymnastics, if I didn't have anxiety issues? I am so angry right now, so angry.
