quotes that have inspired me lately.

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
Marie Curie

There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.
John Lennon

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the willingness to act in spite of it.
Unknown

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love. Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free.
Leo Buscaglia

Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t “try” to do things. You simply “must” do things.
Ray Bradbury

To hurt is as human as to breathe.
J.K. Rowling, The Tales of Beedle the Bard

You were like coming up for fresh air. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me.
Grey’s Anatomy

Almost all things in life deal with love, the lack of love, and the desire to be loved.
Paul Julian Banks

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing.
E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

Everyone feels that void. Everyone who has the balls to look inside themselves, anyway. It’s what life’s all about, a search.
Tiffanie DeBarto

I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad, or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.
Sylvia Plath


I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question.
Anonymous

You set yourself up for happiness or you set yourself up for sadness. Either way, it’s your doing.
Jill Davis

Fear

I had therapy today. The first half of the session went really well. We talked about all sorts of different things. And then we talked about my anxiety and ways that I can lower it and make it better, without hurting myself to make it better (so hard!) And then we touched a little bit on the abuse. She said we could talk about it for 10 minutes to see how it went. I did not like it at all. It was very hard and very scary and my eyes started filling with tears, although I didn't actually cry. I stopped myself, I hate that I do that. I told her I didn't like it and didn't really want to talk about it anymore, but that I was scared of it going away and not being able to bring it back up again. But that doing that would be so much easier. After all, I kept it locked away for 9 years. She said we could try talking about it again next week, or not...depending on how I felt about it. And that she wouldn't let me hide it away again. And that if I wanted her to, I could let her know that I needed her to push me about it, gently of course.

So, now I'm feeling kind of shaky and teary. I don't want to cry though. I just want to feel normal. It's funny how for so much of my life I wasn't able to cry and was always longing to cry, and now that I can and do, I don't want to...I hate it...most of the time.

I'm not sure how I feel about talking about the abuse again. On one hand, I want to...I want to heal and I want to get it over with, and I want to stop ignoring it. But on the other hand, I want desperately to forget about it, and it absolutely terrifies me to talk about it, even in therapy where I'm safe. But I have been so triggered by certain things lately and it's all on the surface again. And that horrible fear is back. I hate it. I need to start working on getting rid of that, or at least making it better and more tolerable.

Work last night was crazy, I got cussed at by a customer (what a douche) and it was crazy busy. I was so exhausted by the end of the night. I had the day off today and I work tomorrow 8am-3pm. Not looking forward to that at all.

*sigh* I feel as though so much is going on. I want/need therapy everyday.

I started tearing up a little bit in our session today because she was being so nice and so supportive and understanding and I kept thinking..."gosh she is so great, how do i deserve this? I don't feel I deserve this" I didn't say that to her...maybe I should. I don't know.

Well off to play with the puppies!