I'm really depressed again. Maybe it's because I'm actually eating and not hiding behind my feelings. But I almost feel suicidal. It's scary. I see my therapist tomorrow morning. I am going to tell her everything.
I don't want to get to the point where I have to go back to the hospital.
Trauma stuff is...so hard.
I cried for 10 straight minutes today in between jobs. I couldn't get myself to stop. It hurt so bad. My heart hurt so bad. There was so much pain and it was exhausting. I'm really tired of this life I'm living. I'm just really not patient enough to ride the waves of recovery. I wish I could find the words to describe how deep my pain and exhaustion is. It's just a really, really heavy feeling, and like my heart is being squeezed.
I'm so tired of it.
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