I just want to live. i feel like what I'm doing right now is not living. I'm just exisiting. I want to have a job that i love and enjoy, a career. I want to use my MA degree, even give nursing school a shot. I have a passion for health care, but I'm not doing anything about it. That makes me sad, and embarrassed. I need to find something that makes me happy. I need something to fill me up inside. I need friends, people to socialize with, but there is this fear that holds me back from all of this. The truth is, i'm scared of the good. Sounds crazy. But I associate good with loss. Always have. I don't want to have to feel like that forever.