Mega Update

I realize it has been a long time since I posted. While speaking with my dietitian today, I realized this and decided I needed to get back into blogging.

Things are still pretty hard. I had a terrible week. Absolutely horrible. I saw my psychiatrist on Monday, and he upped the dosage on my Prozac, so now I'm on the maximum dosage. Well, the next day when I started taking it, I felt so strange. I was shaky all over, dizzy, terrible migraine, absolutely no appetite. I figured it would just last the first day. I was wrong. The next day, the symptoms were even worse. I was doing really badly with my eating. Wednesday night, I fainted. I was alone in my house. It was really scary. It probably had to do with the fact that I hadn't had anything substantial to eat in almost 48 hours. I think it was then that I realized all of these symptoms had more to do with my eating, then it had to do with my medication.

Thursday I saw my therapist. It was a really good session. We talked about all the problems I had been having with my medication, and she told me I needed to be eating better, even if I wasn't hungry. We talked a lot about the destructive relationship I was in last year, and how feelings about/for him have been coming back up. We also talked about a slip up with self harm that I had over the weekend, and we processed that. For some reason I can't remember what else we talked about, but I do remember that I left feeling relieved.

Then I saw my dietitian this morning. I was really nervous. She had me keep a food journal for the past week, and I knew my eating had sucked. She agreed. But it was a really, really awesome session. She explained to me the model of the recovery process. I wish I had a link to give you all, but she just had a sheet of paper. But, she asked me to point out where I thought I was in my recovery. I thought I was in the "need for behaviors" part, but she told me she disagreed and said I was a step above, where it's basically a rollercoaster, lots of ups and downs, but still feeling all your feelings. It was encouraging to hear her say that, and tell me that I have not relapsed.
She seems pretty concerned though, for good reasons, and wants me to come in once a week for a while.

Today marked 1 year since I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital. It's crazy to me how fast this year has gone by. It still all feels like yesterday. I am so thankful to be alive, for choosing to live, and choosing to get help.

My best friend Ashley is coming to visit me on Sunday. She was my roommate at Remuda, we had the same admit and discharge date and family week too. We had such a special bond at Remuda, which has maintained outside of treatment as well. I am so excited to see one of my soul sisters!

Anyway, that's about all. I'm so glad it's the weekend.