3 weeks of no purging.
but...only 1 day with no cutting. yeah i had a lapse ( i had the word relapse).
i chose not to reach out to my therapist and instead use self destructive behaviors.
the purpose of my cutting worked though, which is scary and not good...i know.
i want to get back on track, but i am sick of feeling so many emotions at one time.
and cutting helps numb it.
i am out of town next week at the beach (so no therapy). I have to admit I am anxious about that.
but as much as i love my therapist and need her support, I have found myself very slowly starting to back away from her. this is a result from my relationship with my ex-therapist. i got so close with my last therapist and then we lost our connection and i had to leave her after 5 years (it's a really long and complicated story) , and i'm afraid of that happening again. I don't want to lose my therapist, so I think I'm sub-consciously backing away. it's scary getting close to her, because what if i lose her?
I understand what you're saying, but I think it's very important that you tell your new therapist exactly what you just wrote! I wish I could write more, but I'm in a hurry. I'm thinking of you and hope you're ok! xoxo
ReplyDeleteHang in there and have fun at the beach!
ReplyDelete