My dog Lucy
Some of these might makes sense, some might...it's just what is inside my head.
- the last time I was truly happy was when I was 10 years old. This needs to change.
-I live literally 2 minutes away from my parents, and yet I miss them when I go to my own house. I'm almost 22 years old, to me this is a problem.
- My birthday is on Monday. I feel so old.
- I do not know how to define the state of my eating disorder recovery. I guess I am considered "in recovery" but it doesn't really feel like it
- My oldest dog, Lucy, is 11 years old. And even though she is in perfect health and so energetic I constantly fear she is going to die soon and I don't think I could handle that.
- I need to make an appointment with my colo-rectal surgeon. I am having a lot of pain and bleeding again. This needs to be fixed, but it's such an embarrassing problem.
- I have decided to really actually talk about it. I don't want to. But I know I need to. I'm scared. I'm terrified.
- I want a baby. No really.
- It's really hard to eat right now. I get hungry, and then when the food is in front of me, the hunger goes away.
-Ultimate frisbee summer league is almost over. This makes me sad. On Sunday, I got hit really hard in the head, very painful. Still have a headache. I think I might have had a slight concussion. Oh well, I have been hit harder.
- My bed is the most comfortable thing in the world.
- I want to go back to the beach.
Hey babe, just remember to breathe. I hope that you have a beautiful birthday on monday, consider this a new part of your life where you can be whoever you want :) 22 is still so young, I hope that you can embrace your health and allow yourself to be happy. I feel the same way about recovery. when i say i'm in recovery it makes me feel like I shouldn't be struggling anymore, but I struggle everyday! But then I think I'm not physically sick enough to still be anorexic...blehhh. oh well.
ReplyDeletego to sleep in your lovely comfortable bed :) xoxo