Emotional Release

I feel such a strong emotional release right now. I had therapy this morning, which went well. I unfortunately am not able to cry in therapy, well not yet at least. So I left therapy feeling good, but at the same time, I held back so many emotions, that it came spilling out just about an hour ago.

The past few days have been pretty intense. I feel a lot of guilt, I feel a lot of...frustration at myself, and also...well just a big bundle of emotions. About an hour ago it was about to surface, and I couldn't think of anything positive to do...except go running. Well guess what? It's freezing outside today and pouring rain. But I went running anyway. And it was actually kind of fun. I ran, and ran, and ran. My clothes are drenched right now. Every time my foot hit the pavement...I imagined a negative emotion or thought hitting the pavement as well. And it worked. I released a lot of aggression, frustration, anxiety and anger. And now I'm sitting on my couch writing this and tears are pouring out of my eyes. Tears of sadness, of confusion, of loneliness, of helplessness, of fear, of everything you can think of. My chest feels heavy. I feel I am carrying such a load.

I think the reason this is all coming out today is because it's my first day off both my jobs in a while. So I have time to think, time to breathe, time to feel. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I actually think it's good because...I know it needed to come out. The tears have stopped now and I'm tired. But I feel better. Emotional release is good.

I still am unsure of how this situation at work is going to turn out. I hope it's positive. I want it to be. And I am going to make sure I do everything that I can do for it to be that way. But if the other person does not want it...then that's okay. At least I know I did what I could.

I am back to therapy every week now, instead of every other week. I don't think it's permanent. I just need it right now to...work intensely on some abuse issues. I have not made up my mind about trying EMDR. But my gut is telling me I should give it a shot.

The self-care has improved a lot. I am eating better, drinking more water, sleeping better, etc. I need to keep this up I want to work on the abuse issues. I can't be dehydrated and exhausted while working through memories.

Today has been a good day, despite the crying, which actually...was good too. I needed to cry. I had a productive therapy session, I had lunch with some great friends, I ran some errands for my Mom, saw my dogs, and bought myself a present. In The Courage to Heal workbook, it says sometimes you need to celebrate something positive you have done. I have worked really hard in therapy and with myself the past week, and today I rewarded myself. I bought some yummy smelling Coconut body butter. I can't wait to use it!

It's almost 4pm and I am about to do a load of laundry, do some cleaning, and then head over to my parent's house for dinner.

I work both jobs tomorrow, but then I am off again all day Saturday. Some family is coming to visit from out of town, so that should be fun.

Tomorrow I am also going to be talking to someone, about something (not wanting to go into specifics on here) But I'm just going to say I am going to keep a level-head, stay calm, but at the same time...speak my mind and my heart and hopefully resolve some issues and feel better in the aftermath.

Okay...so that's my epic blog for today.
Hope everyone is doing well! Thanks for all your support!