beach update

So I'm still at the beach. Except for the two days that it was rainy and cloudy, it has been paradise. I wish I never had to leave. But I have to admit I am looking forward to getting back home in my own bed, my own kitchen, and not having to share every thing with 9 other people. My birthday was on Tuesday. It was cloudy pretty much all day, but the sun finally came out at the end of the day. We had tacos for dinner, and my mom baked a funfetti birthday cake. The hardest part of the day was eating that cake. God, why does cake have to be such a bad food? I don't even like it. It is too rich and I get full so fast. But I ate it, and that's what counts. I got some really awesome birthday presents. In addition to the iPod touch my parents got me, I also got a beach tote from Erin and really pretty earrings. And necklaces from my sisters. I have also bought some other jewelry while I have been down here. I have stuck to the goal I set with my dietitian before I got here. Which was to incorporate breakfast back into my meal plan. It hasn't been as hard as I thought, but it has made lunch and dinner much harder. I am having a hard time finishing meals, and even Erin confronted me about it. I felt really guilty when she asked if everything was going okay because she noticed I wasn't finishing all my meals. I felt bad because I thought what if I was triggering her and making it harder for her at meal times. I emailed my therapist about it because it kind of made me reconsider my recovery. She asked if I was doing the best I can. And I replied that I really thought I was. She said if I am doing the best I can, then everything is okay. I said that it has been really hard for me to eat breakfast again, because of this weight gain issue, but that I was doing it anyway and trusting her and my dietitian, and trying my hardest to trust my body as well. It's not that I want to restrict, because I don't. I think my body is adjusting to the addition of breakfast into my days. I haven't had breakfast on a regular basis since Remuda. It's hard right now, but I know it will get easier.

I am having so much fun down here. Erin is one of the funniest people I know and I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time. It's really going to suck when I get home, and she goes back to Maryland, and I will be alone again. I really need to give my social life a makeover. My mom has asked me several times if I think Erin is having fun. And I think she is. I really hope she is. Sometimes I worry I am not being a good friend because I am not that talkative. I really try and think of things to talk about, but it's like a mental block. Maybe I need to give my social skills a makeover too.

When I get home from the beach, my therapist will be on vacation. It will be the longest I have gone without seeing my therapist since Remuda. I'm not too, too worried about it. Because I know I will have other means of support while she is gone like group, my dietitian, my psychiatrist and Karen. But I am worried about all the emotions and memories that were brought up in my last therapy session. I really need to work on the homework assignment my therapist gave me. But I am scared to, because I know it's going to make me really emotional and I won't be able to call her. At least I can still email and text.

Other than all of the above, nothing much else is different. This vacation has been such a source of relaxation and rest that I have needed all summer. I haven't had any anxiety attacks while I have been here either. Nothing is better than the sunshine and ocean and the beach breeze.
R
That's it for now. I will update when I am back home.