I've never been in love before, with a person that is. But I think right now I am the closest to being in love that I have ever been. I'm so eager to share it with people, but at the same time, so cautious. This is a very confusing thing for me. For the past several years I have identified myself as a lesbian, however the person I am head over heels for at the moment...is a guy. SO confusing, I know. So am I straight now? or Bi? I don't even know! Ahh!
I never knew there were so many emotions that came along with really liking somebody! It's really intense. The hardest part is, the guy has a girlfriend. A little piece of my heart broke I think...when he told me that. But first and foremost, this guy has become an awesome friend! And I don't want to lose that.
I just got home today from a very relaxing weekend at the river. I went with my parents and their friends and two kids. It sounds boring, but actually was fun. I went tubing (the boat pulling me on a tube going pretty damn fast), took a nap on the hammock. Relaxed in the hot tub. Took boat rides, played with the adorable little kids, and had two days off work!
Today I had 3 full meals. Breakfast, lunch , and dinner. I am feeling very uncomfortable about it and my body image sucks. I know it's a step in the right direction, but I really just feel gross about it right now. My body image has been horrrible lately!
Therapy is this week...got a shit load to talk about. It should be a good and productive session.
So many intense emotions going on. Ahh!
Sorry for the freaking out-ness
wow, sounds like a great weekend!! I am glad you were able to relax and enjoy yourself. I hear ya on the love thing. It can be so confusing. When I finally knew I was in love it was with a guy, although I am still attracted to both.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with therapy!
great job for eating 3 meals! that is going to help you so much. Also, I know how confusing love can be. I "fell" in love with one of my girl friends a few years ago and thought for sure I was a lesbian. The thing is, sexuality is so complex, and I honestly don't think we need to label ourselves. We are humans and we have the capacity to love (or be in love) with all other people. I hope you have a good day! Do you have therapy on weds? xoxo
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