updatee

um. um. um. I don't know what to write. My head is in a clusterfuck! I'm trying to...simplify everything? Maybe it doesn't need to be simple though? It would be easier though. Maybe I just need to grow a pair and plow through all of it. What is IT, you may ask?

- The ED. Damnit just eat Holly! I say this to myself all the fucking time. Anxiety lives in the pit of my stomach though, and I am seriously sometimes not hungry. How do you fight the anxiety, the loss of appetite, and eat anyway? I weighed myself today. Good idea? Probably not. I can usually guess my weight without knowing what it actually is, and I was only a pound off (a pound less). I really think that losing 4-5 pounds would not hurt. Other people disagree.
Oh yeah. 2 months purge free!

-Trauma. Don't really feel like taking about it. But know I need to. I wrote a letter to him the other day. Not a letter to send, just a letter to vent.

-Love. Why does it have to hurt?

- Sleeping problems. Not really new. Just irritating. I need my energy for work, and either sleeping not enough or sleeping too much has started to become really exhausting. Scratch that. It already IS exhausting.

- Goals. I have been challenged by someone to make a specific goal. Definitely a good idea. I just need to follow through. I don't want to dissapoint myself, or others. SO the goal is to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones. to be more specific...try and stop feeling scared of the good and undeserving of it. I'm totally up for it. I keep thinking how amazing I will feel if I reach this goal.

That's all for now, I think.

"Don't be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams" <--- I love this.