sleep issues

Yesterday was...horrible. So, Saturday night I took my meds, did my same pre-bedtime routine, got under my covers and was ready to fall asleep. But no, I did not fall asleep. I had to be at work the next day at 7:30am, and I just trying so hard to fall asleep. But it never came. I stayed awake the whole night. When I first got to work I felt somewhat energized, it sounds strange. But I think I was so messed up from lack of sleep that it just made me kind of crazy. But around 12pm I started to crash. I could barely stay awake and I felt miserable, absolutely miserable. By the end of my shift (7 hour shift) I was about to either pass out or throw up. I drove home, took a shower and vomited, twice. I'm not exactly sure why I got sick, I guess it was because of lack of sleep? Not sure. Anyway, I slept for the next 4 hours. Woke up at 8:30pm, went back to sleep an hour later and slept until 1:30 pm. I've never slept so hard and so good. Anyway, I had to work today (3pm - 10pm) I feel semi back to normal, but still want to sleep. I work tomorow morning at 9am.

I keep wondering why I could not sleep despite my sleep and anxiety meds. I guess it was because I had so many things going through my head, because I knew I had to wake up at 6:30am, because I had been sleeping too much in the previous days.

I know it's because of my depression, I always sleep a lot when I get depressed. But I have been sleeping at least 12-13 hours a night for the past week or so. I know it's bad. I even try and set an alarm on the days I don't have to get up early so I don't sleep so much, but my body craves the sleep so damn much. If I'm not sleeping, then I'm anxious, or thinking about too many things and I just get overwhelmed.

On to another issue...

I have a best friend, won't use her name to protect her. She doesn't live in the same state as me, yet we are so close, or at least...we used to be. Over the past year she has been on a downward spiral. She was a nurse at a hospital, and became a drug addict. She lost her job because of it. And things have been shitty for her ever since. She relapsed with her eating disorder and her drug addiction continued. She went to rehab, and I thought she was going to be the same best friend again, but she was so different. The fight I used to see in her, the strength, and the personality had completely disappeared. I felt like I was starting to lose my best friend. I was going through my own shit at the time, my own ED relapse. I needed my best friend, and she needed me. But I don't think she wanted my help. I think she was embarrased, and scared. I didn't know what to do anymore, I didn't know how to help her, and I told her this, but that I still loved her. After I told her that, I didn't hear from her for a month. She ignored my texts, phone calls, and messages. I honestly thought she had died. She called me a month later and told me she was in such a horrible place and just wanted to isolate from everybody. She apologized. To hear how depressed she was and how bad of a place she was in...broke my heart. What happened to her? Over the past month I have only talked to her a couple of times. Yesterday she texted me and basically told me she was suicidal and didn't know if she wanted this life anymore. I told her to please fight, that I needed her, her family needs her, that she deserves to get better. I don't think she believes me. I don't think she wants help. I love my best friend so much, but I am lost now too. I don't know how to help her, or actually...I don't think I can help her anymore, I have done all that I can. I want so desperately for her to get better, be the person she used to be, to be the person I know she can be. I feel like I need to let her go. I feel like such a horrible person, because she has been there for me through so much and I feel like I need to give back to her, but I have tried you guys, and I don't know what else to do. I feel sad, it hurts to lose such a good friend. I hope she will get better, and I can get my best friend back.

*sigh* There's so much more going on. I am exhausted though, can't write it all, even though I know I need to do that. I guess I need some support. I have therapy on Wednesday (thank you God), but I am finding it hard to find the strength to make it until then.