Nauseated.

I had therapy today. It was pretty hard. We talked mostly about the abuse, well actually...that was all we talked about. We talked specifically about the newest memory I have. It was hard, talking through it. Telling her what I remember from beginning to end. How I felt during it, emotionally and physically, how I felt afterwards. It was difficult to get the words out at times. At the end I wanted to throw up. I still feel nauseous. I know it's good work I'm doing, my therapist re-affirmed this. I have to go to work at 3, and I need to snap out of it before then, so I won't be completely dissociating at work.

My therapist also brought up the idea of EMDR again. She thinks it could really help me. I guess I could give it a try. I really want to know more about it though. There is a book at the library about it that I could check out. Or just research online. I guess I want to understand exactly how it will help me more than talk therapy helps.

http://www.emdr.com/briefdes.htm

Things with my eating are...fine. No purging. My weight is fine (fat). I mean, okay...realistically I am still restricting. I am still eating disordered. But I am doing better, I think. Or am I in denial? I don't know. Maybe I need to accept that my eating now...is as good as it's going to get.

I need to slow my thinking down right now. It's way too fast, way too obsessive, and way too...all over the place.