woah

Well, that was productive. I'm not sure if that is sarcasm or not?

I just sobbed for an hour on my couch, with my head buried in a pillow. My abs are sore from crying so hard. I can't say I'm surprised. The emotional build-up and exhaustion I have been feeling was bound to come out somehow. I'm glad I let it out in a healthy way. I can't pinpoint exactly what triggered this epic sob fest, only that it came from within the depths of my soul, and it needed to be purged (through crying that is).

I feel like I just ran a marathon or something. I don't think my flashbacks, body memories, etc have ever felt more real than they do right now. And I think that's a big part of it. I've always known it was real, but have mostly felt disconnected from it. Like, it wasn't me that was there, it must have been someone else. But I felt it within myself tonight. I felt it was me. And it hurt.

Wow...breathe.