horrible week.

I am so glad tomorrow is Saturday and I'm going to be in Maryland for the night with Erin and possibly my friend Ashley too. This week has sucked.

The power didn't come back on until Wednesday, which was good. But, Wednesday I worked a lunch shift and it was super busy and I got pretty stressed out, although I did make $15. And then I saw my dietitian that night. I did a blind weight and she told me nothing about my weight (because I asked her not to). I don't regret this decision, but it made me anxious because I wasn't able to have that control factor. My dietitian wants me start a food journal again. I have to write down specifically what I eat and what time I eat it. Hopefully once I start work next week and I get back into a routine, then I will be eating at appropriate times of the day and my metabolism will jump start.

Then Thursday morning I had therapy. It went well, no big issues came up and we kind of had a light hearted conversation about the new tattoo I want to get and my plans for the weekend and things like that. Then after therapy I had a psychiatrist appointment. I don't know what happened, but this enormous amount of anxiety came over me. I was driving to the appointment and I was so agitated, I was shaking, and I felt like I was going to throw up. In the midst of this, I was having a lot of cramping and lower abdominal pain. My period is 4 days late, so at the time I didn't know what was causing this. So when I was in the waiting room I was getting more and more anxious. It was horrible. During my appointment I could not even focus because everything felt out of control and I just could not calm myself down. I knew I was going to throw up. As soon as the appointment was over I ran to the bathroom and puked. I felt better once I threw up so I thought it was okay to drive home. My house was about 20 minutes away, and on the way home I felt like I was going to be sick again, and knew I could make it back home. When I got home, I threw up two more times, and then finally it went away. I made an appointment to see my gynecologist today because my periods have been so off and I have been having a lot of pelvic pain.

So today I had the appointment with my gynecologist, where I discovered I have two very small cysts on my ovaries. It's no big deal. They usually go away on their own. When the nurse weighed me, I asked her not to tell me, which I was very proud of myself for. When I asked my doctor about my irregular periods, she asked how long this has been going on and I told her about going back to treatment for my eating disorder and how I had lost my period for a while. She said my body is most likely still adjusting to my nutritional needs which is why it's not regular yet, even though I am at a healthy weight. I have to go back in a couple weeks for a repeat ultrasound, and check up. And then in October I have to go back again for my annual appointment.

With all of this, I have been struggling more with depression, which is most likely due to the time of year. I have always been deeply affected by the change in weather and seasons. Also, my OCD is pretty difficult right now. I have been having a lot of obsessive thoughts, as well as compulsions. My psychiatrist increased my dosage of Prozac to hopefully help with this. Oh and my body image and social anxiety has been horrible as well.

Anyway, I am just so glad this week is over. Tomorrow I take the train up to Maryland to visit Erin for the weekend and I could not be more excited. It will be so good to see her and get away for the weekend.

I'm sure things will go up from here, and I'm not too worried. I always end up being okay.