I want to be positive. I want to have hope. But I feel so fucked up right now. My emotions are right on the surface and I'm having a hell of a time managing them. I feel stupid. I uncovered a new memory yesterday. It's been...horrible. I feel sick and shaky and lost. I haven't been taking care of myself, not at all. I need to get back on track with food, with self care. I feel dizzy and malnourished and sick. It's 11pm and my stomach is screaming. I have no food in my house, which means I need to run out and get something.
I'm lost. How do I get myself back?
I don't have any great advice on how to find yourself. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone...
ReplyDeleteTake gentle care, Grace
This is recovery. It sucks, but once you get through the shit, it gets easier. You just have to keep fighting, keep going and it will all come together. For me, I cant mess with my food when I am going through a rough patch because it makes it harder to deal with the emotions that are rising to the surface. I need the food to get through it. It is hard and I have had some small lapses, but dont let it turn into a major relapse.
ReplyDeleteSorry, you have to go through this, but I admire your strength and your courage to keep going.
Emotions have been blunted by your ED. This is true recovery....When it all comes to the surface out of nowhere and we have to figure out what to do with it all.....without negative coping behaviors.
thinking of you....<3
I hate to say this but you don't need to go back, keep moving forward. This is recovery. You're doing the right things....stay strong and hold on. It gets better...it really does. it's a rollercoaster I won't lie but it's worth it.
ReplyDeletexoxo
-Lisa