destruction

I am so self destructive. I do things, watch things, read things, be in relationships with the wrong people...knowing exactly that it is bad for me, but yet I do it anyway. I am mean to myself. I don't respect myself. This has been true of myself since middle school. Maybe it's not as bad as it used to be, but let's face it....when you are self destructive no matter how much or how little...it's still bad. It's a domino effect too. I do something bad, which makes me want to do something else bad. And I do it. It never stops. It's a sick cycle I play. I'm not usually one for pessimism, but I often think I will never stop the cycle. I think I deserve it. Fuck it.