let it go

I think now, more than ever, I need to just fucking let all of it go. Maybe there are still things that I need to talk about, to process, to not feel ashamed of. But I need to let go. I need to embrace who I am now, who I want to be. And let go of who I was then, the things I did back then. Do I have regrets? Of course. But life's a journey, you make mistakes. What you have to do is learn from them and move on. I feel that for me, in order to move, I need to keep writing. I ask myself, what is holding me back the most right now? The answer is fear. Fear that started a decade ago and has stayed with me. Fear keeps me from being myself, from opening up, feeling everything that I need to feel. I need to let go of fear. I need to trust, I need to face my demons, and not let them swallow me. I need to be the bigger person, take control of my life and live it the way it should be lived. I think about my abuser often, the things he did to me. I question my actions when I remember everything he did to me. I need to stop beating myself up. And I will. I will do all of these things. Some of them I am already doing. I need to stop asking myself, "Well, am I ready?" Of course I am.