motivator

I feel pretty sick, and am not really up for writing at the moment, but I'm going to anyway because I have something I need to get out.

Have you ever had a person or friend in your life that has challenged you? In a positive way? Who has challenged the way you live, the way you do things, how you act, what you do with your feelings? I've never really had that, at least not before these past couple of months. There's a certain someone in my life, who I will not mention by name (you know who you are). This person has rocked my world, in more ways than one. I have always known what I need to change about my life, what is unhealthy and destructive. Sometimes I've even known what I needed to do to change. But I've never felt I HAD to change, never had a real motivation. Of course the motivation can only ultimately come from within, but sometimes you need someone to kick you in the ass to get you going (which literally has happened, jokingly of course).

This person points out my flaws, which I don't mind, because I know what they are too. But he is helping me see and learn how to turn those negative emotions into something better, something more. He's helped me tap into my creative side, inspired me to start writing again. He has challenged my fear. Fear has always been a huge part of my life, and prevented me from doing so much. Well, now I'm learning to tell fear to shut the fuck up. Fight the lizard brain. It's about time, right?

I have had so many meaningful and enlightening conversations with this person, who I have come to consider a great friend. This person has been so beneficial to me and my life, and I am so grateful. He's probably laughing reading this, because he thinks it's cheesy. But it's all true.
Something else that sticks out in my mind is how much I have struggled with loneliness for so long, but since meeting this person...I cannot remember the last time I felt lonely. And it's not just about having a real friend in my life, it's about having someone who gets you, who wants to see you thrive. It's an awesome feeling.

He shared something with me the other day. I keep thinking about it, saying it to myself.

“Surrender is the opposite of giving up. It is freeing yourself from the desire to be in control, letting go of how you think things should be. Surrender is freedom. Surrender means to love without limits. Holding on to past patterns and grievances only limits the possibilities. Let go. Surrender whatever limits you. Face whatever you are resisting. Through your willingness to walk in the dark forest, insights and revelations will naturally emerge"