Today marks 2 days of no purging. One day at a time right? I can do this. Honestly, what happened 2 nights ago was...stupid. It was. A lot of things triggered it and I easily could have handled it in a better way. But this is what recovery is about. Sometimes things are just too much. And sometimes the ED wins. But the most important thing is that I do not dwell on it, and that I just keep moving forward, and not let this setback turn into a relapse.
I have been doing much better with food, especially since the purging lapse. I ate twice yesterday, and three times today. I feel like a balloon, but I'm making positive steps, and doing what I need to do. This is not to say that I do not worry about my weight, and the number of calories I am eating, etc. But I'm eating anyway.
I keep thinking back to my days at Remuda Ranch. I ate three square meals a day there, plus 3 snacks. I gained weight when I was there, ate my fear foods, and left after 3 1/2 months a happier and healthier person. Even though I hated eating, felt huge and disgusting, I left Arizona a happier person. And I know that eating that way and taking care of myself that way again will yield the same results.
I will be happier and feel better if I just eat.
That's a good accomplishment! When i first started recovery, eating felt like a huge deal but now it isn't that bad anymore. It's true, you feel better, properly nourished, and happy if you just eat.
ReplyDeleteyou will feel better if you just eat. Holly, I can't say it enough, food is medicine. our brain needs it, our body needs it. one day at a time, you can do it :) gosh recovery is SO hard, but you are so strong and so beautiful. I'm here for you <3
ReplyDeleteomgsh! you went to RR? which one? i was at the one in arizona early this year.
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