Anger

I've never truly felt real anger towards him or what he did to me. In general, I don't get angry. And when I do, it's over stupid things that I blow out of proportion. I think it's probably one of my most repressed feelings. I've had dreams and daydreams lately about screaming my head off and pounding my fists on the walls of where it happened.
Tonight, in the middle of my shift at work, I felt for the first time...real anger. It was intense, and because I was at work, I couldn't scream and I couldn't write, and I couldn't cry. The anger was so real, that it scared me. And so, I pushed it away, partly because I was working and I had no choice but to. But also, I pushed it away because it was too much. I know that I cannot do that the next time I feel this anger. I need to not be scared of it, but really feel it and allow myself to release that anger. I don't want to lose control though, when I get angry, I want to...stay in the present.

I know this is progress. I know that I still have a lot more work to do. I know that there will come a day when I break down and let it all out, all those emotions that are pushed down, that I get scared to let out. I know I won't be scared anymore, one day. I think it will be the best release I've ever had. I wish it would come right now.

He still has so much power over me. I need to take it back.

"Change is natural. It's when people try not to change that's unnatural."