Haunted

I've gone back there a lot in my dreams lately, and when I'm awake too. Back to where it happened. Sometimes I see it in color, other times in black and white. The best word to describe it is haunted. It's very still. Very silent. Sometimes I imagine myself pounding the walls of the building with my fists and screaming, screaming in anger. It's almost like a movie, in the way that I see myself opening the gates of the long driveway, and walking towards the school, passing the soccer fields and playground, and seeing the school come into view. There were always stories that the school was haunted. And if you look at the building from the outside, it does look like a haunted house. I have not been there since I left the school, a decade ago. But it's walls, surroundings, and structures, are as clear to me than anything bad or good that happened there. Sometimes...I want to go back there. I'm not so sure why. Maybe to confront my past and move on. To be back there, safe and stronger. And to remember that while horrible and traumatizing events occurred there, so did a lot of happy ones. The school, and its grounds, are haunting, because of what happened there, but I also remember the beauty of it. The abuse occurred over a period of four months, but I was there much longer than that. And it is that time, those four months removed, that I have to remember the most.