7 years ago today I was admitted to Remuda Ranch. Looking back to that day I didn't realize how significant it all was. Now I do. 7 years ago today was the first day I made the step into recovery. It has been a big rollercoaster of ups and downs since then, but recovery has always always been in the back of my head. Prior to December 28, 2003....it was not.
I do not dwell on, or think about this day often. But today I am, for obvious reasons. It was such a strange day. I remember it so well. I was scared and overwhelmed and completely oblivious to what lie ahead. However, I never in my life have received so much support and love as when I did when I was at Remuda.
I was only 15 years old, on the opposite side of the country from where my home was, and sick and scared. But 4 1/2 months later I emerged a healthier and happier person...in a state of mind I still am trying to get back to.
Anyway...just wanted to share.
You need to somehow challenge that desire to be thinner.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how.
It may be that because your weight is still low and you are still "thin" that the ED has more power and control, and as odd as it sounds, the closer we are to healthy, the less power the ED has.
I never think about my weight, or wanting to be thinner.
I accept where I am, and most days would like to gain a little more weight, so I am stronger and such.
And with all the work you are doing in therapy, you need to be strong.
This will never go away if you always let it have an inch.
Give it an inch, it takes a mile.
You can fight this Holly and if you need reasons why, just look back at the days after you left IP.
you can do this.
You just have to accept that you are so much more than only an ED.
Love you xxxx
:) I'm so glad that Remuda helped. I think reminicing on it isn't a bad thing especially if you have great memories of it :)
ReplyDeletekudos for still fighting :)
xoxo
I'm so glad you can look back on your road to recovery and acknowledge all of the hard work you have done.
ReplyDeleteWow this is such a vivid memory, I can totally relate to this, I hope you can grow from where you are now and tthe path to recovery continues for you. X
ReplyDelete