Updates

I don't really feel like writing a detailed post. I'm tired and not feeling well. So I am just going to do some bullets of what's going on with me lately.



- Christmas is 6 days away, I still need to get half of my shopping done. The next time I have to do it is Tuesday before work, or Thursday.

- I am currently on exercise restriction from my therapist until I start eating better. This has definitely provided me some motivation. I love running, it has been so healing lately. So it was horrible to hear that I am not allowed to run. Since hearing that, I have been eating much more and much better.

- I see my psychiatrist on Thursday. I am going to ask him about switching around my anxiety meds.

- I deleted someone from my Facebook friends list. (Okay I know that sounds trivial) But this person used to be a really good friend of mine, but she stopped talking to me 3 months ago for reasons unknown. I have been really hurt by it, and to see her on Facebook talking to EVERYONE else...has been painful. So, she has my email and my phone number, and my messages have gone unanswered. If she wants to talk to me, she knows how to find me.

- I go through these phases where I feel like I am pushing people away, and everyone is mad or annoyed at me. And I am in one of those phases now. I am paranoid that I have done something wrong, even though people tell me I haven't. Something I just get the sense people don't want to talk to me anymore and that my personal struggles are pushing them away frome me.

- I had a huge full blown panic attack on Friday night. It was awful. I was able to calm down without any help though. What triggered it was just a bunch of things, mostly just thinking back to my past, how I felt, or didn't feel, then. What happened, what I lost, what I went through, how it has affected me. To think of all those things at once is just too much, and I have learned that the hard way. I am grieving what I lost 10 years ago, 10 years later.

- I am going through the "Understanding it wasn't your fault" chapter in The Courage to Heal workbook. It's definitely tough.

- For some reason I haven't been able to get into the Christmas spirit as much this year. Maybe it's because I am working so damn much and don't have time to. But it really doesn't feel like Christmas and I am not ready for it at all.

Well, there's not much else to say. I'm feeling pretty miserable physically. I need some hot chocolate and some rest. Too bad I work tonight, work a double tomorrow, work Tuesday night, and work a double again on Wednesday. But then I have 3 days off...so that will be good.

I will write more later on in the week.