Gratitude.

With the suggestion from Emily, I decided to make a gratitude post in the midst of all this struggle I am going through. It is hard for me to do this, since my mind only wants to see the negative right now. But I hope this post/exercise will leave me feeling somewhat better.

I am grateful for...

1. My family, friends, therapist, and psychiatrist. They keep me sane. They point out what I need to see and need to do when everything seems to be going wrong. They have stood by my side no matter what. I would not be here today, without them

2. My dogs. It sounds silly, but my dogs Lucy and Sophie bring a smile to my face whenever I see them. Since they live with my parents, I don't get to see them as often as I would like. But there is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog. Sophie loves to snuggle up next to me and lick my face, and Lucy likes to run around the house and play chase. I love my dogs.

3. My jobs. Even though at times I cannot stand working, I am so very thankful to have 2 jobs, especially right now when unemployment is so high. Working keeps me grounded, it keeps my mind off things I shouldn't be thinking about, it takes up time that I would most likely use to do useless things like sleep and obsess. Most of the time I have a lot of fun with my co-workers, and I make enough money to get by and to afford the things I need.

4. Music. No matter what I am going through, good or bad, music is my second form of therapy. No, I don't play any instruments, but I have thousands of songs on my iPod and millions of CD's in my car. I listen to music whenever I get the chance. I love being able to relate to lyrics in songs, and relate them to whatever I have gone through or am going through. I love music that is silly and fun, but also music that is serious and thought provoking.

5. Laughter. I am probably most grateful for this one. Laughing is my favorite thing to do in the entire world. I can always laugh, no matter how crummy I feel. I am very fortunate to work with a group of people that crack me up, especially one guy...who can make me burst out laughing when all I feel like doing is crying. I watch the Ellen Degeneres show everyday, and that makes me laugh no matter what too.

6. Hugs. Seriously, what would the world be like without hugs? I love hugs, always have. Although I don't get as many as I like, I think at this point in time, I get enough. To me, getting or giving a hug is the ultimate gift. There are about 3 people in my life who regularly give me hugs. I am so thankful for them.

7. Running or any form of exercise. Nothing in my life has ever made me feel better than exercising. I was, and will be, an athlete all of my life. So for me to not have exercise in my life, is like taking away air. I currently run whenever I find the time, always take time to stretch when I wake up and before I go to bed, and am looking into taking dance classes or getting back into the gymnastics gym. I also want to run the 10k here in the Spring, and hopefully run a 5k before I do that.

8. The power of change. I can't believe I am putting this on a list of things I am grateful for, but I am. I have always hated any form of change, good or bad. BUT I have come to realize that without change, you cannot grow. So therefore, I am grateful for change, and am grateful that I have the power to make certain things change, if I choose to.