A lot of you have encouraged me to be honest with my treatment team when I have all my appointments this week. And I will be. One thing I really pride myself on being is honest. I hate keeping secrets, I hate keeping things from those who care about me and want to help me. And so far I have been 100% honest about what I have been eating, or not eating, and how much I have been purging.
I'm not worried about not being honest or lying about everything. For the most part when it comes to my self destructive behaviors, at some point or another I always end up admitting to what I am doing. I hate the shame I feel when I DON'T tell someone. And it builds up so I just feel like I have to tell people.
The only people I am really not honest about this stuff with is...my friends, my co-workers, and usually my family. My family doesn't normally ask questions, even if they suspect something is going on. And I usually don't offer it up either. My best friend asked me if I had been purging. I said no. And that's a lie.
But I want to reassure people that...I will be honest with the people that need to know about these things the most. I trust myself when it comes to that.
It's weird how we can be totally against lying except when it comes to our disease. It's like it takes control of our tongue....
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better than Missy...
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