I'm being forced by my parents to cut back to therapy every other week. They can't afford it, and neither can I. They can't even afford it if I pay HALF. I am so pissed off. All of those years I wasted my parent's money for therapy that I wasn't even using to make me better. I never really wanted to get better all of those years. And NOW I DO...and I can't do it the way I want to because of stupid money issues. And my mom was like, "Well I don't want to have to work just so I have to pay for your therapy. I mean you don't even need therapy every week. You don't think you can do without it, that's your whole problem. You want to stay sick!" BULLSHIT. I have never worked SO hard in my entire life at something. I am working two jobs, forming friendships, giving recovery a shot, hell...giving it more of a shot. I am committed to doing it. I am actually talking about things in therapy that matter, after years of talking about the stupidest shit that got me no where but further down into a hole. I know I know...it's not like they are completely cutting me off from therapy, but damnit they don't understand that I am ready to do this, to do life, and now I can't fucking do it the way I want to, even the way I need to right now.
And then my negativity takes over and it's like...well what's the fucking point in therapy? My parents don't think I need it so why don't I just quit, so they will finally be happy and they can use the money on something "better" like spring break trips that I don't have time to go on because I am working two jobs, and stupid other things.
I mean really, why can't I just do this all by myself? What is the problem?
You may ask, why don't I just explain all of this to my parents? Because it doesn't fucking matter. They still can't afford it and they still won't get it, they never have and they never will.
What's the point anymore? I don't even know.
I'm sorry. I sometimes, have to space my therapy sessions out as well (I wont let my hubby pay for any therapy). For awhile I was going once every two weeks, and it was hard. Then I was back to once a week, and now I am usually once a week, but sometimes every two weeks.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry your parents don't understand, but you cant beat yourself up for "wasting" money when you weren't trying. I have felt the same way. This is a tough disease, and if you had cancer no one would be upset or mad if you weren't responding to chemo. I think people forget that it is a serious illness. Hang in there, I am glad you are able to text your therapist though.
There is a point, and I think you are doing amazing. You truly are an inspiration.
Thinking of you.
Sleep on it.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow device a plan.
Something to hold yourself accounbtable and a means to channel. Sign a friend up for daily check ins. Commit to a daily journal session. Make a goal to do something daily that takes you away (like straightening your hair).
Action plan.
~Missy
If you take it one step at a time I have a feeling this problem will seem a lot less of a burden. I'm positive you can get through this, even if you do only have therapy every other week. I say we just remain happy with the fact that we're getting any therapy at all. You are so strong; you're proving that with beating this ED of yours. Just keep it up a little longer. Live in the moment. Be happy. Smile. This painful process of recovery is so worth every moment.
ReplyDelete<3 Haley
I have pretty much the same issue with my folks which is why I cannot be at home right now.
ReplyDeleteThey won't pay even my psych bills.
I have paid my own therapy for 6 years or more, but couldn't cover psych too.
And of course the IP stays they did.
But they struggle to see why and I guess as with your folks, they don't see why they should have to work to pay.
I don't know what to say because I don't know what I am going to do myself.
I love you Holly xxxx