emdr

I have no trouble writing about my struggles with depression, anxiety, and my eating disorder on here, or anywhere for that matter. yeah it's difficult, but it's an outlet and makes me look at everything in a different way and it helps me to write about it.

but when it comes to my trauma...i can't do it. i cannot write about it. mainly because i do not want to think about it or remember it. maybe this is normal. i even have the hardest time in therapy talking about it. today we talked about it and i just wanted to scream and cry and curl into a ball, and i briefly dissociated.

i know i have to talk about it to move on and heal. but i just want to lock it away like i did for so many years.

it's the hardest and scariest thing i've ever done.

My therapist mentioned EMDR in therapy yesterday. I don't know much about it. I read up on it a little bit, it's kind of scary sounding, but apparently it works really well with trauma. My therapist said it's just something to think about it, we don't have to do it.

Anyway, I have work today, but before that I think I am going to go watch a little bit of a dive meet. And then, tonight my aunt is coming into town to help with my mom's surgery tomorrow.