hopeless

I had the worst night last night. I was pretty much suicidal.I came home after work and had one of the worst panic attacks/breakdowns of my life. I was hyperventilating so bad I almost passed out, and was crying so hard I could not see. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it but I think it was a combo of what I talked about in therapy yesterday and being really exhausted from work. I'm pretty sure I would have done something to harm myself if it wasn't for Sarah. Thank you for being such an amazing friend girl. I also texted my therapist (this all happened at 11pm last night) and she helped calm me down as well and told me to "please fight". I'm glad I did. I am feeling somewhat better this morning. I knew that if I just slept on it all that I would feel at least a little better when I woke up. I was right. Although, now I have to go to work for 7 hours. So, I will come home even more exhausted. Ugh. And then I have my cousin's graduation party later today, so I really can't sleep the rest of the day away. At least I have tomorrow off work, thank god.

I need some hope.