Frisbee

I'm going to try and make this post about things going on in my life other than the ED, depression, etc. Forgive me if I wander off to those subjects.

Last week I joined an ultimate frisbee league. Tonight is my first game. I do not know much about ultimate frisbee, and have not thrown a frisbee in years. But I love sports, I love athletics, I love being active so I'm hoping it will come easily to me. The park where the games are played are out by the airport, which is about a 30 minute drive from where I live. My gas guzzler Jeep will not do well with this. Also, it is 100 degrees here today, so this should be interesting. I am not sure how much playing I am going to be doing, since I have never played this game before. But it will be interesting, none-the-less. My team is Olive Green, the only green shirts I have are neon green. I hope that's okay that I am wearing it.
Even though I have a lengthy background in athletics, I am scared I will look stupid at this new sport, that I will screw up, and cost my team a game. I don't want to look like an idiot. I am very competitive and when it comes to sports, I have to be perfect. So if I screw up, I will be really hard on myself.

Work is ok. Actually, back track. I kind of hate my job. I know I will not have to stay at this job forever, but really...it sucks. I hate it. I've been there a month, and I still feel like I am learning. And I am still massively scared of screwing up. Hm, that seems to be a huge fear of mine doesn't it? Screwing up. I just want people to like me and not be mad at me. I hate when people are mad at me.

I am thinking of taking my CMA test again. That's the test to become a certified medical assitant. I still have my study book. I really want to get back to working in the healthcare field. It's my passion, it's what my degree is in. It's what I REALLY want to do.

Anyway...that's all that's going on now. Except for the crisis that is the depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. But...whatever.